Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
