Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
