I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
