So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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