we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
