Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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