So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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