It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
