You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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