True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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