saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
