guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
