If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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