Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
