we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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