A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
