my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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