Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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