I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
