if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
