Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
