Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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