He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
