I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
