: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
