You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
