i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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