If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
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Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
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