jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think your dad took our porno
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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