i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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