For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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