I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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