Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
