Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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