from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
