he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
