All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
