why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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