I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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