I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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