dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
