Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
