Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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