she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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