he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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