All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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