after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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