for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
