I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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