My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
