I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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