They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
and she was petting her beer can
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
