I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
