Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
