maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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