where am i from again
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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