no, he came in my armpit
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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