Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
