It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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