I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
