Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
