apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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