So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
