I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
BRING THE BAGELS
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My feet surprised me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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