Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
