Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
