ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize