Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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