I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
