Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
